A wonderful message for all those already married.


Those who are still single may learn something from here.

Those who are already married may take it as a guideline to improve your marriage…  

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, “How do I know if I married the right person?”
I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, “It depends. Is that your husband?” In all seriousness, she answered “How do you know?”  

Here’s the answer.  

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.   Falling in love with your spouse wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love… Because it’s happening TO YOU.  

People in love sometimes say, “I was swept of my feet.” Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.  

Falling in love is easy. It’s a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It’s the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, could drive you nuts.  

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.  

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, “Did I marry the right person?” And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else.. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.  

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work,a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.  

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.
I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else.   You could.  

And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later.. Because (listen carefully to this):  


SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience.  It’ll NEVER just happen to you..
You can’t “find” LASTING love. You have to “make” it day in and day out. That’s why we have the expression “the labor of love.”

Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.  
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.  
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It’s a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable. .. you can “make” love.  
Love in marriage is indeed a “decision”.. .. Not just a feeling.  

Remember this always:  

“God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.”  

So, spent your lifetime finding out the loveable things about your spouse so that you could LOVE your spouse everyday in every way in an EVERLASTING marriage.  That is why granpa’s love to your granma seems so PURE.

Remember,  you are with the “RIGHT” person. If not, you wouldn’t have wanted to marry your spouse in the first place.


  • ida says:

    Hu’um.. you’re right. (sampe aku terjemahkan, abis bahasa inggrisnya susah)
    tapi keren banget. cinta itu pilihan. kalau mencari orang yang lebih baik, pasti selalu nemu n ada aja. tapi dengan gtu kita jadi manusia yang tidak pernah puas..

  • astrid.damayanti says:

    Mba Ida … artikel ini sekali lagi saya co-pas dari email seorang teman….dan sekali lagi keteledoran saya untuk cantumkan sumbernya…..Artikel ini sebenarnya memotivasi saya untuk melakukan perenungan kembali atas apa yang telah saya putuskan dan jalani dalam kehidupan, yang berujung pada ungkapan rasa syukur yang tak terhingga kepada Sang Pembuat Keputusan, Sang Pemberi Hidup …Tuhan Yang Maha Kuasa

  • ida says:

    ndak apa2.. 🙂
    Yang jelas, artikelna bisa ngasih insiprasi untuk renungan

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